The smell of spring

30 Mar

Wednesday night I went on my second run in preparation for an upcoming 5k. I got home as my husband was finishing up dinner with the kids. By the time bath time was over, the kids were tucked in and stories read, I had to limp back down stairs to clean the kitchen.

I am clearly out of shape, even though at first glance I appear to be fit. I discovered the 5k last fall when I signed up for one in order to force myself to start working out again. It worked, and I went from having to walk most of the 3 miles each day I trained, to being able to run the entire thing by the end. It was awesome. Definitely empowering to know that my body is capable of running a race, actually completing it.

Back in the fall, those thirty-five minutes each weeknight evening or Saturday morning were so calming and thought-provoking for me. I knew I needed to find another one this spring, so I recently signed up for one in early May giving myself a month and a half to get ready.

This is week one of training and it’s been the most perfect weather for running. Slightly cool, mostly sunny, with a light breeze to keep you going. The smells of spring are everywhere around me as I’m running and I find myself taking the deepest breaths possible to make sure I take it all in to the fullest.

My sense of smell is hyperactive. I tie scents to experiences, to specific times in my life. I can recall memories just by taking a whiff of an old perfume or cologne my husband used to wear. It’s kindof weird, but neat at the same time.

When the scent of a season starts to emerge, I sometimes think of two of my hospitalizations. One was in the spring and one was in the fall. The spring one was the most recent, and the spring time was also the season in 2006 when I was diagnosed and then fell into a deep depression for the rest of the year. My parents were with me every step of the way and my mom and I used to go on long walks and we’d pray the rosary as we walked.

I think she prayed because she felt helpless. I felt helpless too, so I followed. I think our prayers were answered many months later when I found the medicine that works for me. My daily tears dried up and I started to enjoy life again. It was incredible.

I think the way the seasons constantly turn helps to remind us of the past and how far we’ve come. And no matter how bad things may be now, they can only get better with time. The next season will be here before we know it.

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3 Responses to “The smell of spring”

  1. Kimberly M (@momgosomething) April 2, 2012 at 10:55 pm #

    You and me are so much alike. Really. I’ve had a hard time explaining this phenomenon to people. Last spring I was extremely depressed. Almost suicide attempt (I say almost because I was stopped before I could shovel the rest of the pills in my mouth) and then it was followed by hypomanic episode with psychotic features (I could “smell” intruders in my home)…this was all in the spring.
    When spring hit us earlier this year, I began to panic. It was as if I was feeling the exact emotions. It gave me this deja vu feeling. So terrifying. I’m not sure if my current depression is because of this or because of the pleathora of other medical problem s or all of them…
    But it is packing a nasty whallop.
    The difference with this year and last is that I know that I can make it. That there is a light somewhere at the end of this. I just have to take it one day at a time.
    I’m glad that your Mom did that with you.
    PS. You’re going to kick as in the run

  2. Kacia (@CoconutRobot) March 30, 2012 at 11:49 pm #

    you are strong + brave. I love spring. every year it feels like a new chance, eh? start fresh. new habits. new traditions. new norm. new prayers.

    you’re a strong + amazing mom! Happy you stumbling upon me, so I could stumble upon you!

    Kac

    • BipolarMomLife March 31, 2012 at 8:28 am #

      Kac – you rock! Thank you so much. I look forward to following your blog (& reading back through the archives). Love your words.

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