Two years ago today

13 Apr

It’s been two years to the day today that I was last hospitalized for a manic episode.

And what a storm it was. I had just found out I was pregnant and thus was so excited I couldn’t sleep for a week. You see, it had taken us ten months to conceive the little lady and being the impatient, total Type-A person I am, that was just way too long.

When I don’t get enough sleep, it leads to mania. My thoughts race out of control, I start talking in circles, and I lose touch with reality. My husband knew the signs all too well. He knew what needed to be done.

Within thirty minutes, his mom was here to help with our 18-mo old son, and the EMT’s and two police officers were standing in our bedroom trying to talk me into going with them to the hospital. When I wouldn’t consent, my husband signed some papers, and they cuffed me and put me in the squad car. Luckily this time it was pitch black outside and they didn’t have their flashing lights on. So hopefully the neighbors didn’t see and think I was being arrested.

 

Crazy how far I’ve come in those two years. I’ve learned so much over these past six years living with bipolar disorder. I’ve learned how important my family is to me, I’ve learned which friends care enough to actually talk with me about what I’ve been going through, and most of all I’ve learned that I can overcome this “mental illness” to make my dreams a reality.

Six years ago I was so crippled by depression and anxiety that at times I didn’t want to go on. I was being so selfish, but I saw how my condition was affecting my family and I hated that I kept bringing everyone around me down because of my mood. I felt like I had lost my identity because the career I had worked so hard to build over the past four years came to aΒ screechingΒ halt after my second hospitalization. I couldn’t handle the pressure at work any longer – the pressure that had pushed me to work harder and smarter over the years was now causing panic attacks and driving me deeper and deeper into depression.

Ultimately, I had to resign from my job and with that I felt like I was a nobody. I was worthless. I was sad. I didn’t feel like there was anything worth living for.

Looking back, it basically took me all of 2006 to pick myself up again. I went through so many weeks of crying hard every.single.night. It’s hard for me to think about what my parents and husband went through during that year. I don’t know if I would have been strong enough to stay positive and supportive to someone who was so incredibly sad.

But they did. And Thank God they did. I am eternally grateful to them.

I never would have imagined that I would be where I am today without the love and encouragement of my dad, mom, and husband. Along with my in-laws, brother, two sisters-in-law, and a handful of close friends, I trudged through 2006 and made it into 2007. I made it to see another day.

And now I know that there is so much to live for.

I am so thankful to have found a medication that works for me. I know that I am lucky. I take my medication religiously and stay on top of my moods to make sure I continue to stay stable. I have too much going for me to end up in the hospital again. I don’t want to miss a second of this life.

Because it really is too short when you think about it.

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14 Responses to “Two years ago today”

  1. Marie April 14, 2012 at 8:21 pm #

    What an amazing story! I’m SO glad you are well. Thanks for sharing…I hope you will continue to inspire people through your blogging!

    • BipolarMomLife April 17, 2012 at 1:33 pm #

      Thank you Marie! I appreciate your support and I’m so glad you took the time to read and comment. I am thankful to be viewed as an inspiration to others as that is my main goal through blogging about my story.

  2. Christine @ Love, Life, Surf April 14, 2012 at 7:41 pm #

    This is a beautiful post. It sounds like you have come such a long way in 6 years and have made you stronger. Celebrating 2 years with you!!

    • BipolarMomLife April 17, 2012 at 1:31 pm #

      Thank you Christine!! I really appreciate your kind words.

  3. Anna April 14, 2012 at 7:13 pm #

    Congrats on coming so far!!! I have a brother with schizophrenia and mental illness is terrible. If my brother didn’t have a strong family behind him he would probably be dead or homeless, sadly. There is such a stigma with mental illness. I am also a nurse in the ER so we see many mentally ill patients every day. It is unfortunate that there are not enough mental health facilities to help people these days and so many get stuck in the ER for hours and hours until they can be placed. It is so wonderful that you are doing so well and have a great family to support you. Love that you blog about it as I am sure it helps so many who may be going through the same thing.

    xo ~ Anna

    • BipolarMomLife April 17, 2012 at 1:31 pm #

      Thank you so much Anna! I agree with you – there are not enough mental health facilities out there, and many are being shut down because of lack of funding. Hugs to you and your brother, it sounds like you are very supportive of him and I’m sure he is very grateful. I hope to be able to reveal myself completely some day to truly be a part of erasing stigma. Thank you for reading and commenting.

  4. Jenelle Sales April 13, 2012 at 2:11 pm #

    Thank you so much for this post and quote. I needed that today and it was confirmation of a couple of things that I had going on! Have a blessed day

    • BipolarMomLife April 13, 2012 at 2:39 pm #

      Hugs Jenelle!! Hope things get better soon. Keep your chin up!

  5. melissaberry1997 April 13, 2012 at 1:02 pm #

    You are an amazing women. Obviously stronger than you realize! What an inspiration! Thank you for sharing your journey with us.

    • BipolarMomLife April 13, 2012 at 2:38 pm #

      Awww, thanks Melissa! You are so sweet. I’m glad to have made an impact. :)

  6. charity April 13, 2012 at 10:06 am #

    Enjoy celebrating Two years. I love the quote. It is so true.

  7. Kimberly M (@momgosomething) April 13, 2012 at 9:48 am #

    You are an inspiration to me.
    I hope that you know that.
    Really. You are.
    Our families and friends don’t realize how vital they are to our survival. They are the reason we can keep on fighting…because sometimes we don’t feel like life is worth fighting for ourselves.
    I’m so glad that I met you.
    xoxo

    • BipolarMomLife April 13, 2012 at 12:05 pm #

      I’m so glad that I am an inspiration to you Kim!
      I just want you to know that I’ve walked in your shoes. I know what it’s like to feel like it’s never going to get better.
      But I know that there is hope.
      And it will get better.
      I am stronger for having been through what I went through.
      I told my husband and parents recently that I don’t want to have gone through that hell for nothing. I want some good to come of it.
      And it is.
      I’m helping people.
      Love you! You will get better because you are a fighter, like me. I know so.
      xoxoxo

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