We All Got Bruises

5 Aug

You know what I love about blogging? I love getting a chance to read a glimpse of a stranger’s life. I love when someone opens their heart and pours everything out, showing you that they are just as human as you are. The incredible thing about living your life out loud, for the world to read, is that people connect with you. You get to know them. You connect with them. Pretty soon you’re no longer strangers, you’re friends. And if you’re lucky, you get to meet them one day.

You might just become friends for life.

We all have bruises, they’re what make us interesting. How boring would life be if it was all roses and sunshine every day? It’s comforting to know that we’re not alone in our struggles. Whether it be mental illness, alcoholism, financial troubles, parenting issues, divorce, the death of a child, or countless other curve balls life throws at us. We all have obstacles to overcome in our lives.

Music is healing for me and of all the things it’s done for me, the most important lesson it has taught me is easily, “What will be, will be” and I need to put my trust in fate.

If a song speaks to me, I play it on repeat for weeks. I lose myself in the lyrics and belt the tune out while driving to the farm or the grocery story. I used to be drawn to pop hits produced by music giants whose record labels end up writing the songs for them, pumping beats into the background of the synthesized dance tracks. These days I’m much more into singer/songwriters who tell a life story through their music. The kind of songs which make the hair stand up on the back of your neck, giving you goosebumps as you listen to the words.

You feel yourself nodding, “Me too,” as your soul soaks in the sweet melody. A good song gives me a new perspective on my troubles.

I’ve got Train’s newest album, California 37, on a loop lately.

These bruises make for better conversation
Loses the vibe that separates
It’s good to let you in again
You’re not alone in how you’ve been
Everybody loses, we all got bruises
We all got bruises

I’ve been a little overwhelmed by life lately. Wanting to pursue my dreams, but realizing that writing doesn’t exactly pay the bills {at least, not yet}.

A lump formed in my throat the other day when looking at finances. It was obvious that I need to pick up a part-time job. We live in one of the most expensive areas in the US, and the reality is that it’s really hard to cut it on one income. So I had a rough couple of days last week when Ben was traveling for work, filled with fear and self-pity and hugging my best friend while tears poured from my eyes, the kids looking up at me wondering what was wrong with mommy.

Once I calmed down and started to look at things with a clearer head, I quickly realized that things aren’t nearly as dire as I had thought. I was talking with my brother over the weekend about what was bringing me down and he told me to call one of our oldest friends who was looking for help with his business. It’s the type of work I’ll be able to do around the kids’ schedules, allowing me time to continue with my writing projects, exactly what I need right now.

Part of the reason I was so upset last week was because I was afraid that I’d have to give up writing to go back to work, and my heart was breaking at the thought of having to stop pursuing my passion. Sure, I’d still try to write in the evenings, but I know how hard it is to juggle everything and at the end of the day you’re just exhausted. I’m hopeful that this situation will provide the best of both worlds: the income we need with time to still pursue my dreams.

In the meantime, it’s songs like this that remind me to embrace the ups and downs of life for what they are.

Que sera. {What will be, will be.}

8 Responses to “We All Got Bruises”

  1. Kate August 6, 2013 at 7:25 pm #

    Oh, I agree- music is tremendously healing. It’s wonderful to find a song that resonates so strongly for you. I’ve definitely turned an album into my personal soundtrack to life in the past. Like creating a mantra, it’s soothing to be enveloped and held by a singer and their fabric of sound and meaning.

    Congrats on finding balance between work and your passions!

    • BipolarMomLife August 7, 2013 at 8:11 am #

      I have so many memories tied to songs. I love how they can bring me back the second I hear the beginning beats. I love how you said “it’s soothing to be enveloped and held by a singer and their fabric of sound and meaning.” SO TRUE.Thank you for reading. :)

  2. Katy August 6, 2013 at 10:43 am #

    I’m so glad to hear you have a chance at a job that fits your schedule and still allows you to pursue your passion of writing! I know writing is important to you. Glad to know that a good solution is popping up. :) Keep writing.

    • BipolarMomLife August 7, 2013 at 8:08 am #

      Thanks so much, Katy! We’ll see how it goes. I’m going to give it a try for a month or two and will be keeping my fingers crossed. If it works out, it’ll be the best of both worlds. Thanks for reading.

  3. Lance August 5, 2013 at 10:09 pm #

    Songwriting is the greatest art form, in my opinion. Whether it’s Bob Dylan, Joni Mitchell, Elvis Costello, or some dude in a dirty beer bottle bar in East Bumble Blank, watching someone turn their guts into something literary while singing is amazing.

    Wanna know something bizarre? If I find a blog, twitter account, Facebook page or whatever that I connect with and enjoy, after a while, they’re no longer strangers. I consider them kindred spirits.

    • BipolarMomLife August 5, 2013 at 10:18 pm #

      I agree with you completely. I’ve been mesmerized by musicians since I was young.

      And you’re so right about the connections social media provides. I am grateful for it for so many reasons. Such exciting news about your book! I can’t wait to read it. Congratulations!!

  4. jennifer August 5, 2013 at 11:06 am #

    Jennifer – you are so amazing! I love your passion, love your commitment to overcoming the stigma of mental illness and love that you lay it out there. I wish all of us (women in particular) could be as open and honest are you are. It would help us all! You are an inspiration! This is your life’s work, I just know it. And I know that it will all fall into place! xoxo

    • BipolarMomLife August 5, 2013 at 10:14 pm #

      Thank you for all your kind words of encouragement! I wish the same thing – that everyone could open up without fear of being judged. We’ll all be better off when that day comes. Thanks for reading.

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