Juggling Change

14 Aug

I’m experiencing one of those seasons of my life where everything seems to be going right. I told a friend last night that it all seems a little too good to be true lately and that I’m just waiting for a ball {or a few, but hopefully not all} to drop. I can’t help it, it’s the pessimist in me.

The kids and I are squeezing the last drops out of summer with evenings at the pool, Tuesdays at the farm, and playdates with friends before school starts up again next month. We had a blast at the beach last weekend, the kids brought home sand in every.single.thing, but it was so worth the smiles on their faces I caught on camera while they dug, made pizzas and strawberry pies and rolled in it for hours.

Juggling-Change

I started my part-time job yesterday, and so far, so good. I am confident it is going to work out. But it’ll likely be November before we really know if it’ll be the right fit for the long-term. I hope so.

We have one last trip before we can settle in for the real end of summer and the start of fall. One of my husband’s cousins is getting married, so we’ll be heading out to Wisconsin for the festivities and I’m so excited to get to spend time with the family. Saying prayers to the travel gods for safe, tantrum-free travel with our little people.

These years of our kids being little, this season of our life is right now. I’m trying to teach myself every day to stay present and enjoy this time because I know when I look back I’ll feel it flew by too fast. It already seems like the past five years have buzzed by.

I used to dread change, would feel the anxiety and fearful anticipation crawl under my skin, but I can sense my attitude shifting. I’m beginning to love the transformations of the seasons of my life. I never realized when I was in the throes of a career which I loved and which loved me back, that within a few years I’d want to have a family and things would have to change.

My illness emerged before I’d have a chance to come face-to-face with the issue of opt-in or opt-out. I had to opt-out for a very different reason and I’ll never know how life would have played out in the career arena for me, had I not been dealt the mental illness card.

The thing is, I’m okay with not having a traditional career. I’m content with being able to use all of my skills to their greatest capabilities because I’m dividing my time efficiently and effectively. I’m a wife, a mom, working part-time, writing part-time, and I’m also producing a show over these next nine months. Sure, there are plenty of times when I feel like I’m spread too thin. But ask any mom if she ever feels she has the perfect amount of time for everything and everyone in her life and of course she’s going to say No. No way, Jose.

This life which my husband and I have built is not perfect. But its perfectly ours. And each time a new change arises, I’m the first to lean in for extra hugs because they help. He’s always there, with a smile, to wrap his arms around me and say a simple, “It’s okay.”

He’s right. If a ball drops, it’ll be okay. I’ll just pick it back up and start juggling again.

Juggling-Change2

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9 Responses to “Juggling Change”

  1. Linda Killi August 14, 2013 at 3:02 pm #

    So right on!

  2. Lance August 14, 2013 at 10:30 am #

    Congratulations on the show. I like the title.

    What I’m learning, with our disease, is we can handle most everyday busyness but it’s when something extra in thrown in, then, ….. disaster.

    I’m looking forward to keeping up with your certain success.

    • BipolarMomLife August 14, 2013 at 12:39 pm #

      Thanks, Lance! I hear ya – the extra stuff sometimes throws me off, too. I think that’s where our support systems come in.

      Thanks for all your support. I really appreciate it.

  3. annemarie4658 August 14, 2013 at 9:52 am #

    I keep trying to remember, ‘was I present when my boys were young and we were in the throws of babies and toddlers.?” I look at the photos and hope I was! Best thing you can do for your kids is to be present! Love that the seasons can take on a new look and feel for you!

    • BipolarMomLife August 14, 2013 at 12:38 pm #

      Thanks so much, Anne Marie! I agree – one thing I do is try to always look them in the eye when we’re talking. It’s a little thing, but I think it really makes a difference when we stop everything we’re doing to focus on them and what they have to say.

  4. aninchofgray@yahoo.com August 14, 2013 at 8:47 am #

    Yes! Love this. What a great way to look at this season of you life. Congrats on your new job! xo

    • BipolarMomLife August 14, 2013 at 12:36 pm #

      Thanks Anna! The weather today made me even more excited for the changes of fall. It’s gorgeous out there!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. On Hiring A New Therapist | Bipolar Mom Life - September 2, 2013

    […] Change has always been a hard thing for me. When one season comes to an end, and another sweeps in to take its place, I usually need a good few weeks to adjust and settle in. Take this weekend, for example. I loved celebrating the end of August with our anniversary date night and the two days spent soaking up the end of summer at the pool with friends. But until we ease into our new school routine I’ll be fidgety and uncomfortable with the newness of it all. […]

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